To whom I
may concern,
It must have
been a total shocker to receive a link from someone who barely talks to you, or
someone you may or may not know of her existence in this too damn small place
of a college. To start off, don’t be too afraid for this isn’t a spam, or a
scam. I’m neither a stalker, nor a creeper who has been following you behind the bushes.
I promise, I am not one of those people. I’d rather describe myself as a shy
person, which often let her mind to speak louder than she could use her tongue,
an observant too, if I must say. This medium is the only hope I see for myself.
It’s the only hope to lift off the burden I’ve been carrying, which I could
consider for quite some time now. So I hope you’ll read it until the very end
of this letter. Thank you.
To the most
talented dancer I’ve ever witnessed,
Writing you
this letter may seem inappropriate. Forgive me, if I will ever annoy you
somewhere in between the lines. I have no harmful intentions other than wanting
to reveal you the truth.
So you see,
it’s a routine for girls to freshen up their music playlists, manicures or
anything that keeps them alive. Including, anyone we revere or admire. We will
never be able to help ourselves, because we were born in an extremely
exaggerated nature. My friends and I always excite us ourselves every month or
so with a new crush in our list. We would admire the person by the way he
talks, dresses or how deadly gorgeous he’d look when a tie is thrown around his
neck. We renew this whole crushing activity every now and then. So falling for
anyone randomly without any real, deep feeling won’t hurt us nor the person. It’s
kind of a win-win situation (I hope you don’t take it the wrong way). Long
story short, as time passed by, I suddenly realized my friends have been
crossing and scratching different names in their lists, but I haven’t. I just
felt horrible after giving a thought of crossing out your name. So I waited for
more time to renew my list. After days, and weeks and months, I realized that I
have just victimized myself. I wouldn’t
dare to take you off the list. The feeling I had (or I must say, I still have)
for you wasn’t (isn’t) simply just a feeling a girl has for her crush.
Still, I was reluctant to admit. It was far too
soon to say anything about it. I started to feel sick of myself, and I started
to hate the nature I had to bear with – probably for the rest of my life (or
until I’m married – God knows when). It’s so annoying that I couldn’t help
myself thinking about you every thought I’ve made. I saw you walking at the
lobby, hallways, and cafes. I must admit you’re good at cleaning up yourself
and often question myself, how’d you do that? It’s funny to have you running in
my mind because honestly believe you’re out of my league and the thought of
having you to notice me, tickles me up until today. Me myself am not a humble
person, but it’s truly a fact that I’m neither pretty nor as smart as other
girls surround you. I’m not even sure if you would look at me! I have come by
this far to realize that I need to differentiate the fine line between
daydreaming and what’s in front of me.
Forgive me
if I’m being too honest or creeping you out of your chair. But, here's a fact, if
you would like to know. I tend to feel jealous of anyone who gets to be near
you, or if she’s flirting with you, or laughing out of something with you. But,
I musn’t be a total freak and selfish musn’t I? Well, to be frank, I really
think they’re the lucky ones; being able to know you and share just about
anything with you. Next! Remember when I texted you? It took me
hoooooooooooours to decide if I should or shouldn’t. I was really happy when
you replied even it was just a single line; it was unbelievable. And I got too excited when I
got closed-up of you during the Explore Race in Downtown Melaka – which I was caught red handed by kak Namira! How embarrassing! I embarrass myself just too many times.
I would
probably not go any further, as I wish I had known you better. Nonetheless,
there are for sure some things I will miss out of you, and some things I wish
to do if we could turn back in time. I would grow the guts in me to talk to
you, instead planning to wish you by texts. I would wish you birthday; instead
of thinking you’d be annoyed. I would attend the practices you had for
basketballs, instead of news flashing my friends that you were around the
resort. I would carefully watch you dancing, instead of hesitating to be your
audience. You’re talented and attractive I must say. You dance gracefully, and
passionately, and together I think you’re an art that could make me feel more
than anything I have ever felt.
Pardon me, I
am not writing this while hoping you’d give me anything in return. I just
thought that I would like to give you a sentimental, hopeless and sappy letter
as a gift before you go on and pursuing your studies across another part of the
world. Work like how you dance, be motivated by your passion. And most
importantly, stick to the saying – live the life you’ve had always imagined. It
must be nice to see you in some years. Thank you for taking some time to read
this totally-completely-utterly immature letter, it really means to me. I’m
totally okay if you’d judge me because we both know that I’m half sane (well,
this letter explains it all). I too hope Allah will shower you with His
blessings, Take care, good-bye for now:)
